time period: |
year 2007 - as seen from 2006 ! (2006's predictions for 2007.)
year 2007 - first part (God, hot, boat trip, told you, catty, Iran, wind, bleach, bio, 999, KGB, oil, bird, flu.)
year 2007 - part two (Usa, TV, 20-20, SID, saint, erupt, Bush, bang, Mold, flee, Paris, nose, 23rd Psalm, heat.)
year 2007 - part three (God no, Blah, trash, if, Spice suits, C-No, bikes, space bang, niet da, $±, Cann't, Ken it.)
year 2007 - fourth part (Oilers, poison gas, Nobel, Watson, bin, pollymint, insult, 0-60, ?time, idiots, 07 awards, food.)
Other Blogjob years - Blogjob main menu
One Legged Wally - (apologies to Private Eye and Neasden FC) introducing - The Evelyn Murray MEGALOMANIAC AWARDS 2007 Idiots Guide To Insurance Fraud Question Time 0-60 mph in one metre. Insult To Intelligence Dickhotair - by our UK political correspondent Polly Mint Slippery Slope 2 Secret Police? Bin Liner Retire At 78 NewWordoGenic Gore Blimey! 'Noxious Fumes' Voluntary Emission Limits? - S.t.O. Red Ken Rising Cann It Get Worse? Slippery (Oily) Slope - S.t.O. Joke Of The Week Niet Da Grave Error Food For Thought The Curious Case Of... You Thought It Was Difficult... You're Right! - one for our many aspiring authors Puff Puff Puff CasiNO Old Spice If Tabloid Trash Cherie-Bye Is it time...
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That 'institution' Jonathon Pierce commenting on football last night: "if he had a right foot that would have gone in!"
Here they are guys; EM's hotheads of the year - got the hots so they can they can head my way anytime !
Just a loser- GWB (Only 4th?! Ed.)
3rd- Hugo Chavez. Boy, does he have an ego or what?
2nd- Kim Jong Il - a megalomaniac with zero influence, ha, ha.
AND... 1st is... President Ahmanejad of Iraq. Who does he think he's fooling, eh?
Having successfully pulled off an 150,000 pound life insurance fraud, what the heck are the two involved doing? One turns himself in in London saying he's lost his memory, which he patently hadn't and admitted it. The other, safe in Panama, suddenly decides to fly home and is promptly arrested. What's behind this? What's going on in their minds... anything?
Come to that, was it really worth all that effort and risk for a measly 150,000 pounds? That won't even buy you a house in England these days. Pretty ill conceived, pretty brainless all round.
BBC runs a late evening, live political question and answer session which is usually entertaining and sometimes informative. One speaker recently made an interesting remark... 'Diplomacy only works with the threat of force behind it.' He wouldn't be from the CIA, would he?
Yet another 'expert' medical witness has been uncovered whose ego is clearly bigger than his logic. (How many more? ED.) In the north-west of England a woman was said to have smashed a child's head against a corridor wall with force equivalent to a 60 mph crash. How, in a 1 metre wide space?
Poor Gillian Gibbons has been sentenced to 15 days in jail in Khartoum and subsequent deportation for being offensive to religion. What, getting her young class to vote for a name for a teddy bear? She didn't even suggest the name Mohammed. She is the most inoffensive person you could meet. The offence is by Sharia law to human intelligence... for goodness sakes old Islam, wake up! Most people, including modern muslims, think this is utterly ridiculous, it makes Islam look so stupid!
It was once suggested to me by a school friend that the best form of government was 'benevolent dictatorship.' The argument was based on the premiss of the shortest and cheapest chain of command as much as anything else. Watching David Cameton over the last few months I'm beginning to wonder if parliamentary democracy hasn't started to fail. His bash the opposition every day and make a new trite policy statement every week is tiresome, trivial and bound to put people off politicians. Please Tories try debating, not bashing. Otherwise let's scrap parliament and elect a dictator.
(I thought Brown-Gordon was one, Blah was, - Ed.)
Some time back, in this comment column, StO suggested the time might be right to stop pricing oil in dollars. Well guess who reads our website NuGgets column (allegedly) and has also picked up his suggestion... the President of Iran ! There's influence for you; whatever next- the Pope praising condoms?
Another subtitle clanger- 'deaf stazi' - can you guess what it is yet? Devastated.
An interview last night on TV with the man in charge of waste disposal policy was introduced as 'The Bin Baron' - Osama Bin Baron?
So Watson of 'Watson and Crick' fame has retired after criticism of his assertion that 'Africans are thicker than Europeans.' He should be held up as a shining beacon of light, not for racist remarks, nor even his Nobel prize winning work on DNA, but because he's an example to the world that retirement ages need to rise. So says the UK government anyway.
A UK government backed report has warned of an 'obesogenic' nation by 2050. Surely they just mean obese, not obese-making as 'genic' implies. Perhaps we should carry this further- the old fashioned phrase 'sick making,' as in makes you feel sick, should be 'vomituritiogenic'- that's catchy. 'Sleep making,' as in boring, might be 'somnologenic,' actually that's not bad. 'Fart making,' as in baked beans, might be 'digestemitohydrocarbodisulphurogenic,' even more catchy. And finally 'stress making,' as in many jobs, could be 'reactodepressiogenic.' Tell the boss that one.
Nobel prizes committee must have been very short of candidates this year. I mean Al Gore's 'nine factual errors' film about global warming awarded the... peace prize. What's that about, apart from desperation.
Firefighters in protective clothing cleared several central London streets last evening in a suspected terrorist poison gas attack. The culprit? 9 pounds of overcooked, fuming chillies! Mind you, as far as our editor is concerned all chilli peppers need protective clothing. Uh!
President Thickett is at it again- trying not to do anything which might cut US use of fossill fuel. When will that dim brain of his realize something has to be done, now. He and his oil company buddies are a major obstacle to climate change progress. Even China says that now! Well there's a turn.
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Ken Livingston, controversial Mayor of London, was given a major boost to his chances of re-election by his arch rivals. Why? The tory party has decided to run that absolute buffoon Boris (the menace) Johnson against him. With Conservatives shooting themselves in the foot so often recently, Brown-Gordon must surely be thinking of calling a snap general election. We'll know very soon.
The sad and strange case of Madeleine McCann and her parents gets ever more bizarre. The latest controversy surrounds a car they hired and an alleged drop of the missing child's blood in it. Since this car was hired three weeks after the 4 year old went missing police suspicion seems most odd to us. Surely whoever hired the car at the time of her disappearance is far more likely to be responsible? Portugese police work in mysterious ways, never revealing what they have done so far. It doesn't inspire confidence.
Some time ago Infinity Junction's Nuggets column suggested US investors should buy Euros, well many months later it seems, rather belatedly, they are. When first launched, the new almost pan-european currency was set at a value approximately the same as the dollar- no coincidence. Now the Euro will buy you almost 1 dollar 40 US. And it looks set to buy even more soon. America's weak economy is affecting global trade, partly as a result, the price of oil yo-yos at times and plays havoc with lesser economies. Perhaps it is time to stop pricing oil in dollars?
Osama bin Laden says USA should convert to Islam to avoid war. There's about as much chance of that as the Arctic completely freezing over again. At least it gives us proof that it IS a religious war, despite US claims that it isn't. (See comments elsewhere in NuGgets and Blogjob about banning religion in public.)
This summer silly season has been be filled, not with sillies, but tragedies. Day after day see and hear news of yet another teen on teen attack. Reverend Jesse Jackson over here from USA on a tour says poverty is to blame. Jack Straw says lack of father figures. To us it looks more likely to be Straw's suggestion because some of the areas where these have occurred are not what you'd call poor; okay not posh either but still places you wouldn't deliberately avoid.
There was even a suggestion that human rights legislation was to blame. The law currently over-emphasises individual rights without taking sufficient account of the public, or individual responsibilities, but does that affect teenagers' violent behaviour? Hum.
Of course it could just be boredom.
NuGgets has poked fun at subtitles regularly in the past, but this is the first from UK channel 5 news. Photograph of disaster area; announcer in background with sound off; subtitles read: "... carried their lug worms to the graveyard." Work it out for yourselves.
The following joke has apparently been doing the rounds of intellectuals in the Middle East-
A reporter asked the following question of an Ethiopian, an American and an Iranian:
"What's your opinion of food rationing?"
"What's food?" the Ethiopian replies.
"What's rationing?" the American says.
"What's an opinion?" the Iranian asks.
The exploding rocket. Reports from Mohave say the propulsion system of Richard Branson's SpaceShipTwo, in which he hopes to take space tourist passengers, has exploded violently... with no fuel in it. ...Eh?
To add to the oddity, those injured are said to have shrapnel wounds. It sounds like the nitrous oxide cylinder must have self-destructed, but why? Nitrous has been used in engines of one sort or another since the second world war without major incident. Maybe Al-Quaeda have infiltrated the desert.
The Guardian reports (July 2007) that David Lassman, director of the Jane Austen Festival in Bath, has re-written Jane Austen's Pride and Predjudice with a different title and different names, but very little else altered and sent it under a pen name to all Britain's main agents. Guess what, every single one rejected it as unsuitable for publication. In fact they didn't even recognise it. Those of us with experience of agents, and believe me there's a huge combined experience within Infinity Junction's ranks, just laughed as we heard that- because it's just so true; it is not how good it is, it's who you know.
Ever since the Tour de France began we've wondered if Kazakhstan Railways weren't the most unlikely sponsor of a bicycle team. We've just worked it out, the trains are pedal powered... right?
To a loud chorus of sighs of relief, Brown-Gordon seems set to ditch Blah's plan for super-casinos in the UK. One of our number at Infinity Junction used to work for a slot machine manufacturer and claims they could set up their machines to give away as little as one pound in every twelve thousand taken, (1-12,000 odds,) apparently that is completely legal. Whatever anyone claims, the vast majority of casino 'games' are simply recipes to fleece as much money as possible from Jo Public. Whatever logic was there ever in Blah's idea? Gambling is seen by many as a social evil, it so happens we agree. So hooray for the new PM. (We never thought we'd say that in NuGgets!)
With the Spice Girls re-forming for a '10-years-on' tour, Lady Poshiana Ham-De-Beck was seen at the British Grand Prix. Apparently she took a fancy to the shiny, tight, fire-proof boiler suits the GP people wear. Would that give us any clues to potential costumes? Maybe even a new England football strip! Now that would be a novel sight.
Presenters of the Tour De France from London were keen to stress how close London and Paris will effectively be once the final stretch of the TGV rail link opens later this year. You'll be able to get from the heart of London to the heart of Paris in less than half the time it would take by air, (if you include airport and station check-in.) What they didn't mention was that it will use less than half the fuel too. Now with criticism of much unnecessary air travel, which pollutes the atmosphere and contributes to global warming, perhaps it's time to look at a more extensive high speed system. It would be like the old days when a family boarded the train to go to the coast, only this time the coast will be the Mediterranean. If.
It is not often that any of us NuGgets contributors read the tabloid press. However yesterday a copy of the (UK) Daily Express found itself on the floor and rather than just chuck it in the recyling bin, I looked at it first. What a load of trash and bad journalism! Three major untruths were picked up within a minute. A headline says 'woman in burka' arrested; dodgy phone photo shows a man with a blanket over his head to stop him being identified. Another story says a couple have been charged with people trafficking in the missing Madeleiene McCann case. BBC and nearly every one else say the charge is likely to be attempted fraud; rather different and much less serious. Yet another is the claim that Kate Middleton and Prince William are still very much in love; we watched the concert concerned and never noticed him even look at her. If anyone could be bothered to read more, probably far more made up rubbish would be found. Now I remember why we don't read such cr*p as the Daily Express. - Ed.
So farewell then Saint Tony of Blah... or is it? Maybe we should call you Saint Tony of Basra? Or of Gaza, or of Jerusalem, etc. Middle-East Envoy, eh. Doesn't seem a very good choice, since he was one of the instigators of the anti-Saddam war and look what stabiltiy that has brought the Middle East, not. Muddle East Annoy, now that sounds more like our Tone.
To ban religion in public? We have Catholic seniors increasingly interfering in politics, (the Pope trying to curtail Amnesty International's efforts and other matters, also see below and in Blogjob.) We have utter fighting chaos in huge swathes of the Middle East, now largely between Islamic factions, but also anti-US and anti-Jewish inspired. What is the point? The only thing this does is to alienate people. So what is it about 'God,' whoever you might believe that to be, that inspires such violence? Why are religions going more and more fundamentalist? Nobody at Infinity Junction knows.
Answers on a postcard to OffGod, 357 Grimsby Road, Paradise. Prize to the best answer; camping holiday in the Gaza Strip. (Editors note- ticket is only one way.)
One Legged Wally - (apologies to Private Eye and Neasden FC)
introducing - The Evelyn Murray MEGALOMANIAC AWARDS 2007
Idiots Guide To Insurance Fraud
0-60 mph in one metre.
Insult To Intelligence
Dickhotair - by our UK political correspondent Polly Mint
Slippery Slope 2
Retire At 78
Voluntary Emission Limits? - S.t.O.
Red Ken Rising
Cann It Get Worse?
Slippery (Oily) Slope - S.t.O.
Joke Of The Week
Food For Thought
The Curious Case Of...
You Thought It Was Difficult... You're Right! - one for our many aspiring authors
Puff Puff Puff
Is it time...
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How To Have Fun In Montreal
Heard on pit-car radio during F1 Grand Prix- engineer: 'How's the car?' Coultard: 'Doesn't go, doesn't stop, doesn't turn, otherwise fine, great fun.'
Let's face the truth; as long as 'Doh' Thickett is President, oil companies will rule the world. Which is exactly what happened when Angela Merely's G8 conference made their 'historic' agreement on greenhouse gas emissions... to reach agreement later.
You could see it coming, everyone could except them.
Last evening (7th June) on BBC Question Time, Tony Benn, ex (old) Labour minister, said: "I tell you in 10 years time John Reid will have MI5 put a spy on every Chinese restaurant in England."
And his son is trying to become deputy leader of the (new Labour) government. Heaven help.
Soot And Derision
Carbon trading is a smoke screen - official. The BBC has learned what we have publicly suspected for a few years now, that carbon trading is a sham and simply is an excuse to do nothing about emissions. BBC File On (Radio) 4 program says that after 2½ years the European scheme has had no effect on CO2, but has raised prices to consumers and profits for energy companies.
We hate to say it, (no we don't,) but... we told you so.
The Unnaceptable Face of... Religion
There has been a long tradition in Britain that religion and politics keep out of each other's business. Indeed if Britain had a constitution, it would be written into that. However Scottish Cardinal O'Brien has unilaterally scrapped that by suggesting, publicly, to Scottish MPs that if they support current laws allowing abortion within limits, they shouldn't expect to come to mass any more. Who does he think he is, God?
The UK government appears to be schizophrenic on some subjects. While Blah, Brown-Gordon, Cameton and others blow hot blasts about global warming and CO2 emissions, at the same time planners all over the UK are swamped with power/heat/rubbish plant applications. The government it seems has no policy on these so does not discourage it. Within 5 miles of Infinity Junction's home in Neston, north-west Cheshire there are two such plans for enormous sites under consideration. Not withstanding the huge quantities of CO2 produced by these plants, with such a varied input, the burning process is crude and inefficent, producing also dioxins, CO, and a host of lesser pollutants. Okay they don't burn fossil fuel, but that hardly makes them 'green.'
When you compare nuclear, (nookulah to Thickett,) to heat/power/rubbish, it's no surprise then that UK is set to replace its ageing nuclear power stations. Come to that, its no surprise Iran wants it too.
Oh Gord - Agricultural Ode to (nearly) a New Prime Minister
Q: 'artificial noses,' (sensors to detect and measure chemical vapours, such as explosives and drugs,) have been improved by what?
A: artificial snot; ('snot a joke, it's true.)
Bunk And Breakfast
Little Miss Paris
Sat in her Yaris
Driving at night with no lights
No licence either
But cops got the driver
Now it's Alcatraz Hilton at nights. ©
Headline of the week- 'Polygamous Lesbians Flee Sharia.' Comment superfluous!
North Wales police chief does it again: this time it's not just motorists he's upset, but journalists. How tactful to show a decapitated biker in his news conference... without even asking the family. That sums up Brunstrom's attitude. How long before motorists start fighting back? Imagine a blockade of his HQ in Mold by thousands of slowly circling motor cyclists; a slow mechanical maelstrom, a Brunström?
Banging On - EM
It is very tempting, but also facile to accuse America of utter irresponsibility about its lax gun laws. (See every major newspaper in the world about the 33 dead spree in Virginia.) The truth is, however, that even though Britain has some of the toughest gun laws in the world, we too have a gun culture problem within parts of the community. So what can you do about it? The tories say lock 'em up, (they always say that,) but you have to catch them first. Police and Customs try to stop the guns coming in in first place; virtually impossible to stop all. The socially minded in government go on about deprivation in inner cities leading to gang culture. It never gets better though. I however have the perfect answer. Make the gun carriers meet other gun carriers in face to face battle, then see who likes it. I even have a place in mind, not East London, not Nottingham. No; Helmand province. All we need now is national conscription; should be easy.
Oh Gord, a word in your ear please...
Uncivil Seville - or 'Il Barbieroaty del Siviglia'
Last week, we in England saw, at first unbelieving, scenes of incredible violence on our TV sets. Where? Iraq, Somalia, Afghanistan? No, right inside 'civilised' Europe. These were what can only be described as police beatings. The first in Rome started when a group of football fans, outnumbered 18 to 1, were effectively trapped in a bottle throwing cage and of course responded by throwing some of the bottles back. Arrest the original throwers? No. Arrest those who threw them back? No. Just baton charge and beat the victims up! The second was in Seville; a similar vicious over-reaction to minor crowd unrest. In both cases the minority group were attacked quite unnecessarily and ridiculously violently.
Justifyably there are calls for both police chiefs involved to resign: we thought the police were supposed to control and reduce violence, not be the cause of it.
(Revenge is sweet! Second leg Rome defeated 7-1, on the pitch, not off it.)
Generator Of Mass Destruction!
The government of Indonesia, (an earthquake zone,) plans to build a nuclear reactor close to a volcano. Locals are understandably nervous. It is probably a bit of media madness that suggests there would be 'genocide' if the volcano is disturbed, after all it is dormant. However it made us think of other media-madness situations. Like building a power station beneath a dam wall. (Think about it.)
Happy Pappy Parkinson
On the second aniversary of the death of Pope John the Pole, there is talk of beatification. Madness we'd say: this is the man responsible for death and misery caused by his edicts on abortion and contraception. The mainstay of the case is said to be a case of Parkinsons disease he is supposed to have cured, even though he never met the victim. The trouble is, it is not a unique event and so not a miracle. Some years ago one of the bosses of Guinness was jailed for dishonesty and suddenly had Parkinsons disease, amazing how it vanished when he was let out early!
Sad End To A Sid Case
News comes this weekend of the tragic death of Sally Clark, who was amongst several women wrongly convicted of murder and for who Infinity Junction joined the campaign to have released from prison. (See past Nuggets in Blogjob.) A victim of medical egomania in the form of Roy Meadow, her children died of SIDS, sudden infant death syndrome, not murder caused by Meadow's pet theory, the non-existent munchausen's syndrome by proxy. The whole saga took a dreadful toll; it seems she never recovered. We sincerely hope that expert witnesses in all spheres, but especially medicine, will learn from this. However, equally sadly, we doubt it.
Blurred 20-20 Vision
20% of energy consumption to be renewable by 2020, 20% less energy use at the same time... but they haven't said who or how. 20% chance! Seeing as many of those who voted for this will not be in power in 2020 they know they won't get the blame. Don't get us wrong, we ARE in favour of this, indeed we'd have liked to see a more ambitious target. However leaving so much detail blank, and having seen what happened in the past with euro agreements, we expect there'll be an unsatisfactory fudge, possibly along the lines of carbon trading. What a farce that is; must be an American idea to get out of actually doing anything. In the meantime perhaps our own UK government, which blows so much hot air about energy, can do something about those green grants that get used within two minutes of the start of an entire month's worth!
License To Bill
One excuse given when TV licence fee dodgers were caught recently in a crack down was- It works perfectly well without, so why do I need a licence?
Saint Tony lobbies away hoping to get Son of Star Wars based in England; why? There doesn't seem any economic reason, after all there are already a dozen US bases here so a new one is unlikely. And it is designed to protect America, not England so it isn't much of a deterrent. We can only assume it is brown-nosed USAphilia.
Dour-faced Vladimir Putin in Moscow meanwhile says it would start an arms race to have any Star Wars project in Europe. Who's he kidding: the Yanks never gave up on that and probably Russia never did either. We'd have thought China posed more threat to USA than Russia, perhaps they should base Star Wars in Kamchatka instead- US base in Russia? Why not, they're most other places.sponsible can you get? The late Sir Edward Heath had a good catch phrase for that; 'the unacceptable face of capitalism.'
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Swansong - EM
By coincidence entirely, the BBC, mostly on Radio 3 but also on TV to some extent, has been having a Tchaikovsky season. At the time when Bernard Matthews turkey farm has been exposed as having holes in the roof of the poultry house where the outbreak of bird flu started, it occurred to me that perhaps we translate Tchaikovsky's Russian incorrectly. Dance of the dying swan? Chance of the flying (H5)N-one, more likely. (See below.)
Bernard 'bootiful' Matthews has been uncharacteristically reticent since the bird flu outbreak at his Suffolk turkey farm complex. At the time of writing nobody is certain of the source of the outbreak. Hungarian officials are poo-pooing any suggestion it was imported in turkey meat destined for one of Matthews's notorious processing plants. They suggest wild birds are more likely to have carried the H5N1 virus there. It is curious because the farm in question has air filtering, plenty of space between poultry houses and is supposedly 'state of the art.'
What is more surprising though is that bird flu has not travelled further and faster, considering all the prominence given to it as a threatening pandemic. Perhaps Mathews has been singled out to suffer the revenge of the turkey twizzler. Pukka!
Oil Be Blowed
Now the UN report on climate change has blown most of the US oil industry's arguments about global warming out of the window; know what they're doing about it? Offering large cash rewards to scientists to undermine the report. How irre
Last year we made comment about President Putin suddenly going silent after his denial of Russian involvement in the Litvinenko murder in London. His lips must be positively glued now we are told the most likely assassin is, like Putin himself, an ex Russian secret service man.
Following hygeine advice published by an American university recently, 99·9% of all known germs were killed. The dishcloth was duly microwaved and the resulting house-destroying fire nicely sterilised it.
Not So Much Green As Yellow - Stew the Oil
At last President Thickett has admitted that America is burning too much oil- perhaps he doesn't need the oil lobby any more now he's on the way to retirement. He wants to cut 20% off consumption in ten years. Fine. It would be except it isn't likely to be a real cut because it is intended to make up the difference with bio-ethanol. While oil reserves and prices might benefit and to some extent pollution should be less, it still gives off CO2 when burned. Okay maybe not as much but it is still significant. What he really should be saying to the US public is get out of those gas guzzling big-engined SUVs, but then the motor lobby would be hassling him, wouldn't they. And there's a problem with production of bio-ethanol too, if it does become the new petrol, as seems likely at present, how the hell are you going to make enough? According to their own figures 35 billion gallons of it will be needed in USA each year by the 2017 deadline. That would mean growing maize on an unprecedented scale and require more farmland... where is that coming from? You can feel an ecological nightmare in the offing. The Jolly Green Giant becomes the Giant Yellow Desert?
Woolwich Crown Court currently sees the trial of six allegedly Islam 'radicalized' men on terrorist charges. We have made comment before on how Islam and science appear not to mix; in this case very fortunately not. You see they planned to use hydrogen peroxide solution (hair bleach) to oxise a substrate of flour (at least according to one report.) However their understanding of science is patently poor. Firstly flour is only seriously explosive as an air suspension. Even if mixed with a suitable oxidiser (not H2O2) and left as a powder or cake, it would only flare up, not really explode unless well contained, not just in a rucksack as planned. To compound their error they tried boiling down the standard 18% solution to concentrate it. Anybody with a decent chemical background will tell you that heat will speed up natural decomposition, actually drive off the unstable surplus oxygen atom. Indeed it is one way of making oxygen in the lab, (best with a catalyst but not entirely necessary,) leaving mostly water behind. Well, at least they could wash their hair with it, rather than someone's brain.
What ever happened to the Scandinavian High? Weeks of one storm after another in the UK, steaming in from the Atlantic, has left many areas feeling pretty battered. Typically our strongest winds are in autumn, not mid winter. January normally sees the Scandinavian high pressure area start to spread over to the UK, freezing the north-east solid, but leaving relatively still air. Has global warming moved the hurricane season? Or is it just all that hot air generated in Washington DC?
And speaking of Washington DC (above)- 20,000 more troops from US to Iraq, so says Thickett (Bush.) Visits to Iraq and more particularly its westerly neighbours of by senior US figures, Condy et al in Syria etc; buttering them up? Softening them up? Is this a prelude to a military move eastwards?
And speaking of Condoloozza (above,) a possible rival for the next presidential race has quickly followed her to Iraq. Who? Hillary of course! Can't be outdone by another woman.
A Bit Previous
There's an odd malapropism heard occasionally not far from here, the use of 'previous' instead of premature. We have to appologise for being previous because our prediction for Feb 2007 (made in 2006) came true a whole month early. (See page bottom.)
Some ballyhoo in the media today about a 14 year old boy sailing single-handed across the Atlantic. Okay 30 years ago that would have been news, but today we are not overly impressed. For a start he was accompanied all the way by his much more experienced father in another boat, so he cannot claim that everything he did was on his own initiative. And the route chosen was the easiest of all routes, at the easiest time of year, using trade winds and relatively calm seas, that has been sailed for 500 years. Finally there is all that electronic stuff which means all you have to do is what the computers tell you, you don't 'navigate' any more. Basically if your daddy is rich and ambitious for you, it's not that difficult for anyone with sea in their blood.
Everything'll Be Fine
Britain had its hottest year on record in 2006, that's official now. We're not surprised because last July here at Infinity Junction, where summer temperatures very seldom go above 18 or 20 centigrade, (65-70F) we measured 35·5 in the shade one afternoon (100F). Even the editor wore shorts sleeves! 2007 sees a 'moderate' El-Niño in the Pacific, so its looks like another warm year globally. Fortunately for the UK, the south of England's empty reservoirs have filled to a good degree this winter, unlike the previous. But what of the rest of the world? It may well be that 'fine' weather is the opposite.
A Bad Thing?
A survey revealed in The Guardian two days before the religious festival of Christmas (2006) showed 82% of the British population believe religion does more harm than good. Considering two thirds of Britons have no religious belief, it means that even some people who do have faith in a god also believe he (or she, or it) does more harm than good. Where is the logic in that? This poll suggests over three quarters of us believe there is no logic in religion. Have the Chinese have got it right after all in suppressing Christmas? Answers on a postcard to Santa, Chinese embassy, Lapland.
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2007 Predictions ... ? - © copyright Infinity Junction December 2006
Jan 2007- essential supplies for the invasion of Iraq arrive in Basra only three years late- one suit of body armour to be shared between every 60 men and six hundred rounds of sandwiches, sell by 2004. The commander concerned re-reads the original order for 600 rounds of tank ammunition and queries why Whitehall changed it. Nothing sinister like being cheaper it turns out, merely incompetence. So that's alright then.
Feb- fog descends on much of Europe as the air gets colder because Russia is playing politics with the gas supply and heating boilers have to be turned down. Overall national fuel bills drop dramatically because aeroplanes can't fly from European airports. Global warming has a small glitch.
March- British army soldiers in Iraq, desperate for the right supplies, sell off half their tanks to the Iraqi police. They have no bad conscience on the matter because the shell warheads are stale sandwiches.
April- reports that biblical 'manna from heaven' has been discovered on an Iraqi practice firing range are pounced upon by Israeli spin doctors as proof that Judaism is the one true faith and Christians and Muslims should get out of the Middle East.
May- Saint Tonius van Blah of Number Ten finds that 'meaningful' job he's hankered for after giving up as Prime Minister: UN envoy for George W Thickett's New World Order charity that he's setting up for after his term runs out. He has a budget of eight armies, two thousand bombers, ten million school books with evolution removed and a guide dog for the blind.
June- the longest day in the northern hemisphere is postponed by the European Commission and moved to December to save lighting bills before Christmas.
July- with 'hurricane season' getting earlier each year due to Texaco's and Exxon's hot air about about no global warming, G W Thickett orders the Gulf of Mexico oil rigs to be towed to calmer waters. Salt Lake has a new attraction to add to London Bridge.
August- new Prime Minister Brown Gordon reveals his true self at last by appointing the Tory shadow cabinet as his ministers.
September- Russian president dies of polonium. The famous Tom Lehrer song is re-written as 'Poisoning Putins in the Park.'
October- a besieged police recruiting centre in Baghdad has emergency supplies shot in by British tanks. This successful action is studied world-wide and a new super-gun planned for famine areas. Bakeries gear up for a massive order for sandwiches.
November- English seagulls have a feast day as the new British Standard fireworks are set off on bonfire night.
December- on the new European longest day there is road mayhem as the only thing allowed lights before 10pm are Christmas trees. An enterprising decorations company plan to launch a new high power Christmas tree fixed to a roof rack.
That's all so far
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