time period: |
year 20011 - first part (KGB, nose, big soc, fireboy, at last, Keynes, 22 nations, croc, bad, juice.)
year 2011 - part two (Fumes, language, scare, Scotbooze, Sepp, law, stout, sxx, bin, puerile, PVR, die, bite, melt.)
year 2011 - part three (Drone, off, Knox, buying votes, thick actors, riot, sos, Welsh, flash, tourballs, hack, tick.)
year 2011 - fourth part (Thick economist, catching up- CERN, euro, Burlesque etc.)
Other Blogjob years - Blogjob main menu
Try Thinking Catching Up - 2011, 2nd half, What I Missed, by Neil Gee I Arrest Myself, Again - EM, for ed in absentia Not Much Here Ker-ching 2 Money From Nothing Thicko Actors - Silly Season Special Arise Sir Nightly Fight of Knightsbridge Effing Sausages - a countryside special by our agriculture correspondent, Morgan O'Phosphate Say That In English Please Writhing On The Floor Tourballs '11 - including Baggins, hari-kari, and Cav. Good Comes Out Of Bad... Maybe - by our media correspondent, Greta Garble, (whose phone wasn't hacked) Wheee, Rinse, Tick
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A Japanese economist talking about recession admitted they had no idea what to do next: 'We weren't taught that at university.' If it's people like that running the global economy we stand no chance; better start collecting beads.
That's one reason why we keep going on about Keynesian economics being a failure: it needs inflation - Ed.
A lot has happened since I took time off recently, so picking up where NuGgets left off two entries ago, (actually apart from the odd hour or two in the office, roughly five months,) will need careful selection. Sorry if I miss out your favourite bits. The departure of Burlesque himself in Italy caused the greatest satisfaction here. Cheers. The casting out of UK from mainstream Europe, whilst probably inevitable under the tories, was unfortunate... we suspect mainly for Europe; time will tell. The antics of Sarky and Merely in the build up looked almost comical from here, we were glad to be seeing it from a detached standpoint with little to lose.
'The Arab Spring' upped and downed, the most significant bit being mad Gadaffi's demise. Elsewhere things dragged-on rather: military minds don't like change when if it means less influence for them.
Lesser matters that caused fingers to be pointed or titters to be emitted include 21,000 complaints about a Clarkson joke on shooting strikers; oh lighten up! (Everyone knows he's an URTICL- ultra-right tongue in cheek loudmouth- but he gets away with it by being funny.) Another thing that raised eyebrows was the ongoing saga of The Large Hard-on Collider at
DERN, er sorry CERN- getting mixed up with my own book Infinity Junction. First there were a succession of rumours that this mythical Bows Higgson had been seen, when he hadn't. He had, oh no he hadn't, later that was maybe. (Perhaps we should shout, he's behind you!) Then intriguing news that neutrinos had been clocked going faster than light. What that means depends largely on whether it's true or not- who knows, don't think CERN does either.
PFI- At last serious concerns that private 'investment' in public projects like hospitals is bad value started to be aired by senior politicians; it seems obvious to normal people that any money put in by private business is expected to come out again many-fold. Of course keen Keynesian till-keeper Osborne and dumb, dogmatic disease secretary Lansley won't hear bad of it and plow ahead with yet more money wasting projects to keep their rich old school pals in dosh.
Fall-out from the News Of The World scandal continues months after it's gone. Murdoch failed in his bid to dominate satellite broadcasting (hooray) and now the whole of the press are in the dock at an enquiry into standards and practices, a very good case to prove self-regulation doesn't work. There'll be plenty more to come from this.
As predicted for some time, feed-in tariffs for home generated electricity have been found unaffordable and halved; expect them to all but go over the next few years. I'm glad I persuaded my sister photo-voltaic installation was a waste of money in most of England. I predict that many expensive installations will be dismantled in a few years time when maintenance is needed.
Next year will hopefully see a fully functioning NuGgets column again. It should be good watching the panic as the Olympics approach, especially as buffoon mayor BoJo is up for re-election soon before it. And of course there's still the euro-collapse/saving/fudge/slow death to pick apart and/or gloat over. Watch this space in 2012 for a different, slightly satirical slant on the world.
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Merseyside police are in trouble with their drone spy-copter again. It crashed into the river. They are not replacing it.
NuGgets is a bit thin on the ground at present because 'steemed' editor is taking time off for a big project. It may be 2012 before this coulumn gets up to full speed again, sorr-ee. Why not read back numbers in blogjob instead.
As predicted ages ago, Amanda Knox has been released after the dodgy evidence used by prosecution was thrown out on appeal. What is disturbing though is that the evidence was allowed to be used in the first place, it was so iffy and frankly unbeliveable. Next question- why did it take two-and-a-half years to sort out? No wonder Italy's economy is crap... manyana, as we say it of Med countries.
Suddenly 120 million quid has been found to prop up councils who want to keep weekly household waste collections as well as compulsory bi-weekly recyling. Why is the government cutting so viciously when there obviously is money still to spare? You can bet the councils who get extra cash are Tory controlled. (It's called buying votes, Ed.)
You can tell the Beeb are desperate when they hire third rate actors and comedians to make TV programs about things you know they can't do. There's the numbscull barge one, what a duffer, how annoying. Now it's two twats nobody has heard of, we are told comedians, driving on some dodgy Nepalese roads. They stop and ask what effect the road has had on a village. It's not that they're interested, it's in the script. The answer is that the journey to market is now only one day instead of three. "Oh, 30 percent less then." Where do they find them?
Channel 4 News subtitles- 'After Knights of rioting...'
Sainsbury's, it seems, believe Cumberland sausages breed, rather than come from a factory. Label- 12 outdoor bred Cumberland chipolatas. (Well it is 'oop't'north, so it might happen.) 'Mummy, what are those two sausages doing in the field there?' 'Hush dear, look the other way.'
North West TV news had an interview with a coastguard about to be made redundant by government cuts. Despite the Irish Sea having two UK and one Irish coastguard centres, Holyhead on Anglesey, Wales, in the Irish Sea, got the vote over Liverpool, covering northern Irish Sea as well as Liverpool and Morecambe bays, which cannot even be seen or covered by radar from Holyhead. The minister in charge gave one reason as Welsh language. Liverpool coastguards got a Welsh speaker to ring Holyhead, he was asked to speak English because nobody there could speak Welsh. Eh voila, proof of our theory; see previous NuGgets comments.
TV: flashes all over the place for several seconds, fading to announcer; 'Warning, there is flash photography in this.' (T in the Park.)
Wriggly Baggins, English hopes for a high place in the Tour de France has obviously put on his magic ring: he's disappeared. Meanwhile ITV4's second commentator carries on with a plethora of silly phrases- 'He's one of the more experimental riders' meaning experienced. 'You need to be concentrated,' (adjective meaning strong, without dilution,) instead of just concentrate, (verb meaning pay attention and think hard.) There is also a hint of impending hara-kiri from a rider, 'I've got to dig deep and get everything out of my body.'
'Norwegian flags all over the place,' he says, as Hushovd passes some Danish flags.
'They're appetising who will be the leaders,' (appraising.)
And finally- the winner overall was an Australian with a Welsh name and the green jersey was won by a Manxman whose English nobody in France can understand. (Neither can I, Ed.)
The public's favourite capitalist (??? No, surely Donald
DuckTrump, Ed.) finally has his push to power and media dominance stopped dead. No not Berlusconi, although maybe in a couple of years. This time it's Murdoch and in-tow son. Not only has he been forced to close down the slease-ridden News of the Screws, (hooray,) although no doubt an "all new" Sunday Sun will replace it, (boo,) but more importantly his attempted dominance of satellite TV seems to have faltered too. About bloody time too that this would-be political 'King Maker' is shown he cannot dictate what we, the British public, want.
Britain has been dogged by exam board mistakes over recent years. Some was down to 'privatisation' and consequent lack of markers, some down to poor checking, for example unanswerable questions. The latest though drills home the need for improvement- completed papers were delivered in error to a dentist's surgery!
Catching Up - 2011, 2nd half, What I Missed, by Neil Gee
I Arrest Myself, Again - EM, for ed in absentia
Not Much Here
Money From Nothing
Thicko Actors - Silly Season Special
Arise Sir Nightly Fight of Knightsbridge
Effing Sausages - a countryside special by our agriculture correspondent, Morgan O'Phosphate
Say That In English Please
Writhing On The Floor
Tourballs '11 - including Baggins, hari-kari, and Cav.
Good Comes Out Of Bad... Maybe - by our media correspondent, Greta Garble, (whose phone wasn't hacked)
Wheee, Rinse, Tick
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Some academic has suggested injecting sulphur fumes into the atmoshphere to reduce global warming, citing the Indonesian volcano as an example. What happens to the sulphur, eh? Not thought about that had we. It turns into acid which then kills plants and causes breathing problems for animals, including us. Plants die, less oxygen, so even more things die. How stupid do you have to be? That's about as daft as Keynesian economics, he was a head-in-the-clouds professor, but blind to the real world. (See global banking disaster and economic collapses.)
Another example of just how useless nationalists are in Britain came to light with release of data from Wales. Since the Welsh Assembly expensively took over from England and the development departments moved to Cardiff, not a single new business deal has been struck. To get a senior job in Wales you must speak Welsh, why then did the head of Welsh-German ties not speak German? Not surprisingly there has been criticism, not of the stupid policy that you must speak Welsh, only that she hasn't learned German. We've said it before, minority languages are for academics and keen amateurs to keep alive, not to be crammed down the throats of the unwilling public. We now get Welsh signs in our part of England; why? Lets face it Welsh is useless even in large areas of Wales and neither spoken nor understood by people outside.
The recent food scare is apparently over now, but how badly was it handled! We now have farmers all over Europe with unsellable crops because nobody trusts those in charge to get it right. Why did Germany blame Spain when they did not know the cause? We now know the blamers were the blameful, shame on you.
Scots showed just how important alcohol is in their lives yesterday. When Tesco got the price of booze wrong, almost halving the price charged at the tills for an already 'special offer,' police had to be called in to clear traffic jams. And this is the country where nationalist Alex FarmedFish is trying to impose a minimum price per unit. If he does, it'll be roads south to England that will clog, if this is anything to go by.
Sepp-arating Fact From Fraud
That old fart Blatter got back in charge of FIFA by default, mainly because those many pro-corruption national heads of football don't want to be exposed any more than already has been done by the BBC. That has set football back 10 years and missed an important chance to clear out the dross that has accumulated at the top of FIFA. You only have to look at Qatar being awarded the world cup to see bribery. Qatar; almost the last place on Earth that you'd think should run it!
Cashing In On Lawyers
Here at Infinity Junction we wondered why there had been so many recent attempts to register one of our subsidiary websites injun. co .uk to other people, even though we've owned the name for many years now. Enter the new scandal in the UK "super-injunctions," mostly taken out by famous figures to stop their name appearing in the media in relation to sex or fraud allegations. Well, if there's as much money in it as it seems, we'll sell it to the first bid over UK £ 2,000,000.00
Police Baaawildered By Crime Rise
There has been a 400% increase in sheep rustling in the north of England since 2008, it has been revealed. Embarassed police are said be feeling a bit sheepish about it.
Queen Elizabeth the Second and hubby Phil the Greek were filmed in Dublin's Guinness brewery during their historic first British monarch to visit Eire tour. Hoping for that marketing coup, a picture of The Queen holding a pint of the black grunge beer, she diplomatically just looked at it. Philip Duke of Edinburgh meanwhile ogled it in a manner that said "I really fancy that." We suspect he's getting fed up with pink gin.
S*x Makes The Courts Go Round
First Berlusconi, now Strauss-Kahn, for heaven's sakes where do these euro-johnnie politicos come from?
(A bordello?- ed.)
President Osama has announced, somewhat smugly, that US forces have killed Obama laden bin. USA's most wanted terrrrst, Obama is claimed to be behind thousands of things. The world is thus a safer place with fewer things without Obama, bin laden or not.
Royal wedding is over thank goodness, maybe we can get back to business. Even us sleb-culture haters have to admit it was very well done, begrudging congratulations to all, including of course Wills and Katy, best wishes for them from Infinity Junction. (Now that is a rarity.) What was interesting to us though was that, rather obviously, two of UK's surviving prime minsters were not invited, only two mind you. A heavy hint of blue rises into the air from The Windsors then because both were Labour. Bias, what bias?
What The L..?
Trouble in Syria was announced, then the fact that journalists are being refused entry. 'So we go to our reporter in neighbouring Lebanon.' Cue map of... Libya. BBC Easter balls up.
Campaigning against a change in the voting system took a few nasty turns very recently. One union personally attacking Cleggy-poo as a liar; rather unfairly we thought. Then Smarm-bottom Osborne plucking imaginary cost figures and new electronic counting equipment out of the air. There is no new equipment needed. We call that dirty tricks, puerile too.
Faceabout - Sound Advice
"The face behind Brennan" an advert shouts. Er, no, the face is on the FRONT of Brennan. This widely repeated full page colour ad is for a grossly over-puffed piece of expensive sound recording kit which is neither innovative, nor unique; most PCs can do the same job easily and a whole lot more besides. The guy obviously likes to see himself in the media. Re-invent the hi-fi, he claims, except it isn't anywhere near audiophile quality so can barely be called 'hi-fi.' At that price you'd be better off using a PVR and have the bonus of films and TV too. In fact at that price you could have 2 PVRs!
Immortality - Only 1 In 3 People Die
On my floor, pushed through the letter box, the headline in red, 1 in 3 people die. Unfortunately for the poorly designed charity bag, the rest of the British Heart Foundation's text couldn't be read where it was, so it wasn't.
"They have teeth and they bite!" So was the headline announcement on Welsh TV news, as the speaker stood in front of a basking shark, that has no significant teeth and doesn't bite, being a plankton filter feeder. Even though the analogy is completely wrong, the 'teeth' were those of the Welsh government who, after incompetent, bickering councillors refused to budge, removed them from office in Anglesey. About bloody time, there have been massive arguments there for as long as I can remember, and that's long. Anglesey has been an island in turmoil, there is a hard core of anti-English right-wingers embittered about English people moving into to their patch, many of them second homes for holidays. This has caused massive friction at times, not helped by the grumpy nature of north-Waleans and the fact that the English are richer and generally better educated, not having Welsh language foisted on them in school.
No not the Japanese reactors. Recently revised figures show the rate of ice cap melting has increased more than previously predicted, especially in the Arctic. Doom and gloom merchants would have you believe low lying areas will all be swamped and millions drowned or displaced. (That happens when disaster happens anyway, see Japan.) Our local paper had a front page prediction a while back that sea levels would rise by 3 metres in a hundred years! Well not at current rates. Combining the new faster melt of the Arctic with all other melt sources is likely to add 2 or maybe 3 millimetres per year to sea level, if you believe the figures. That amounts to a sea level rise of at most 30 centimetres in 100 years. One hell of a lot less than gutter press accounts. In most low-lying areas, land levels slowly build up though, to some extent counteracting sea-level rise. Still it is going to affect Pacific islands and Bangladesh unless they start doing something now.
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Putin Things In Perspective (1985)
"No-one ever leaves the KGB" - Colonel Gogol, A View to a Kill.
Who Nose ?
Recently published scientific research into the effectiveness of sniffer dogs to detect drugs and explosives, revealed that the dogs were responding as much to their handlers as to the substances. If the handler saw something suspicious the dog would nearly always indicate a find. Without such 'hints' dogs proved to be relatively ineffective. Useless they may be, but they're so tail-waggingly cute, TV crime progs wouldn't be the same without.
CamEton's Big Flop
Big Cuts, which are being disguised as The Big Society by UK Tory leadership, in other words making voluntary groups take over professional work locally, are going to be entirely counter-productive, nearly every voluntary group has already said. Think about it- no money to run a community centre means it closes and then there is nowhere for voluntary groups to meet. Upper class twit syndrome; if it doesn't happen in my country estate, then none of my people will see it from there so who cares!
The Fireman's Boy Did It
Subtitles again, this time Welsh News. Shotton Social Club, subject of protests about an Islamic group taking it over, was burned to the ground. A Fire Brigade spokesman said: "Our son has not been ruled out."
Go White-Man-Spotting In Bradford
Toffee-nosed UK PM CamEton has poked ex PM Saint Tony of Blah well and truly in the eye! Saint Blah was the ultimate multi-culturalist, faith schools and all. CamEton announced 'Multi-culturalism hasn't worked.' Everybody except polticians has known that for decades. (See joke circa 1970 in title.)
Why Hasn't It Happened Before?
Tunisia, Egypt, Jordan, Yemen, why not more? Syria next? Libya? If people have been so unhappy about dynastic dictators, what has stopped protest before? Somebody is bound to point out they are all Islamic countries, but is that a cultural cause or a coincidence? How far will it spread? Will it reach as far as The Mad Old Man of Zimbabwe? That would be good. Even better if it reached Aminiahahaghdejad, or however you spell it in Sensible. Next stop Putin and his ex KGB cronies.
Officially UK economy shrunk last quarter, shock figures show. That's because we have a radical extremist chancellor at present who won't bend with the wind. Keynes, who most arch capitalists worship, was just as radical as Lenin or Marx. Let him rest, get on and be sensible please Osborne, not dogmatic.
Britain At Its Best
Blackburn Rovers versus West Brom. Albion, both premier league football teams from the central chunk of the UK, had 22 separate nations represented on pitch in the same match this weekend. So much for nuturing home grown talent.
Headline Writer's Dream
Crocadoodledoo, the first one that came to mind here at Infinity Junction. You can bet there's thousands of 'em! You know it's that Ukraine crocodile story, the one that swallowed a mobile phone, the one the keepers didn't believe until it started ringing. Apparently it's off its food; must be the microwave dinner. You must've heard about it. No? I'll get the croc to text you.
It Pays To Be Bad - logic of mediocrity - E.M.
We've re-named The Doctors, an early afternoon soap, as The Bad Actors because of its wooden style and dull voices. An American soap was quickly switched off yesterday for the same reason. It set us wondering; imagine...
"Why do you act so badly?"
"Because I'm an American actress in a cheapshit US series, I have to act badly."
"Have to; explain."
"If I acted well, I'd end up in Hollywood and soon the series couldn't afford me. So I'd be out of work."
New Year New Hear
One of Infinity Junction's favourite sport commentators, because of his dry humour, entertaining style and occasional gaffes, is Jonathon Pierce of BBC fame. 1st Jan we heard: 'This game has a sour undercurrent.' Er, Jonathon, this is football, not swimming in gooseberry juice.
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