time period: |
year 2008 - as seen from 2007 ! (2007's predictions for 2008.)
year 2008 - first part (Megalomaniac awards, sowcow, space crash, microwaves, Bishops' boll0c*s,)
year 2008 - part two (Shark-high, speed-beer, walkies, tides, stars, crap.)
year 2008 - part three (Water, Bolt, fish, golf, Mbeki.)
year 2008 - fourth part (Names, euro-vote-vote, holes, money-morals, leaves, sand, Keynes.)
Other Blogjob years - Blogjob main menu
Ref-addendum Mind You Don't put Your Finger in It, 2 Nether Mind The Whether - E.M. I's Confused Whither Morals? Blowin In The Wind Last Resort
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Capital Punishment Off Scotballs Any Chovy ? Faster Than Light Hydro-bunk The Price Of Crap (Go back to the top?)
What's In A Name?
Pleading gulity to breaking US gambling laws was a man with a very unfortunate name in UK English... if only I could remember it. Er, Dipstick, Dickhead, Sh1thead; no it's gone. Maybe Dick and Sh1t mean something different in India?
Oh boy do those Euro Johnnies have an ego, or what? Sorry Ireland you must vote again, and again, and again, until you do what we want. Why can't the Euro Commission simply accept that its ideas are unnacceptable to the majority, non-political citizen?
(Probably because they are politicians. Ed.)
Quote: ITV (UK) evening news; "Geting too close to black holes is not good!"
We've been here before, rather more comprehensively. See Blogjob.
Old Gramps Murray was watching Liverpool v. PSV on his new, (forced on him by progress) 'digital' telly tonight, well, bits of it he was, between dozes. "These Dutchmen all look the same to me," he complained, "All the same damned colour and all called Philips."
(European football, real football, not US punch-up crap. And, Gramps, try reading the back of the shirts next time. Ed.)
BBC Newsnight last night showed a discussion about the apostrophe. (Now that's real news.) Apparently there's a campaign to have it abolished because they are used so badly and there is a fault in the 'rule' applied to them. The example was Paxperson being asked by the campaigner how do you write dot the Is and cross the Ts? Paxperson replied i's of course. Otherwise it would read is. As you can see by my spelling previously, I'm not convinced. N.G. (Ed.)
Some silly fuss over in America has left one of the most significant bits of news largely ignored. As anyone knows banks, whose greedy attitudes and amoral actions in tempting people into borrowing money they couldn't repay, collapsed and had to be bailed out by the taxpayer or sold off cheap with government backing. One of the provisions of government aid though was that no bonuses would be paid and that the culture of personal and corporate greed must be curbed. Under cover of news darkness, those new rules are being undermined. A series of ruses, such as foreign investors buying large numbers of shares in virtually bust banks then claiming to follow the investors rules, and even those that were nationalised re-interpreting rules, means that us taxpayers are giving large sums of money to morally deficient senior bank employees. It started in America, of course. Hopefully, but not expectantly, we'll see if new management in the US can do the right thing and sack those concerned. That's only fair... unlike the banking industry.
One of Infinity Junction's number was waiting for a lift and watched a middle-aged gent use that 'indispensible' tool, the garden leaf blower. For nearly quarter of an hour the leaves were blown out of the borders, lawn and crannies and onto his driveway. Then his wife came home and drove over the lot. So the blower collected up the strays and moved the whole pile closer to the pavement. Now at this point most people would have tried to pick the leaves up and put them in a bag or garden waste recycle bin. But no- he had a garden leaf blower and was determined to use it. So the pile was blown ever closer to his bin and lined up neatly along the pavement. Then a bus went past and the turbulence spread the leaves all over his and next door's garden. You would have thought by now the penny should have dropped, but no. Leaf blower on again, another neat pile along the pavement edge. Another big vehicle and so on until the lift arrived. That car full was laughing all the way home. (True story.)
Detectives in Jamaica are coming under increasing criticism for failing to solve a theft. It's true clear up rates for theft do vary world wide. But what makes this special is that a whole planned holiday resort has had to be put on hold because of this theft. And what was stolen? The plans? The venture capital? No, a whole beach! It brings to mind the old joke: 'a mysterious hole has appeared, police are looking into it.'
The near collapse of international banking systems and stock market share values is no surprise to Infinity Junction commentators. John Maynard Keynes started it all off in the last millennium with his Cambridge, head in the clouds theory of ultra-capitalism and total free market. It took longer to take off than communism, thank God, or we might have been even worse off. In the UK 'that woman,' (Thatcher,) set things into free-for-all-free-fall by selling off the family silver; de-nationalising and de-regulating everything in sight. New Labour seemed blinded to the folly. 'Competition' above all, greed, and profit for the privileged few.
Well now that greed has come back to haunt; let's hope those most responsible take most blame and most punishment. They won't though: to quote The Young Ones, 'the rich kids always win.' What next? Anarchy anyone?
Infinity Junction (the novel)'s author, Neil Gee, has announced that the Large Mbeki Collider at DERN has been forced to power down due to failure.
Two equally silly stories from Scotland emerge this weekend. First was a man who took his dog to a vet because it was rattling. Hmm, you might think. Well, they'd been walking on a golf course and the dog had 13 golf balls in his stomach! I wonder if he sold them back to the club? The second story is from Heriot-Watt university where a Professor North has been studying the relationship between music and personality. How useful. Anyhow, he says classical lovers are shy and heavy rock fans are gentle and at ease with themselves. So what happens if, like the writer of this, you are a fan of both: shy and at ease with yourself don't exactly go together? Scotsophrenia, perhaps.
A list of endangered fish species published by the Marine Conservation Society makes pretty grim reading. The last of the herring fleet was scrapped 50 years ago or so. We've been told about cod for years now; North Sea stocks have been conserved to a point, (unlike herring,) but now it's Atlantic cod at risk. Watch out Iceland, that's a quarter of your income endangered, huge fishing limit or not. Tuna catches in Europe have been diminishing for years. The Bay of Biscay anchovy has been off limits for some time now and shows little sign of recovery after many years of overfishing.
Of course other major sources of protein are questionable too, cows being major contributors to greenhouse gas emissions and pigs eating 4 times as much protein as they provide for human consumption. So where now; canabalism? Perhaps increasing knife crime is evolution turned macabre. Anyone for Soylent Green?
Scene: a builder working in a house with TV on the Olympics visible in another room. Builder yells to mate, "That Bolt guy has just won the 200 metres by a mile." (True story.)
A sad case of nut-case nutrition came to light recently in the UK. It's a case of we told you so- see Infinity Junction diets page and past NuGgets. This case was a quack 'dietician' espousing a water de-tox style diet. The patient involved was told to drink 4 pints of water a day, and when she started feeling weak and vomiting the quack said drink more water. Now the patient is permanently disabled with organ damage and partial brain death, complelety unable to look after herself. Her metabolism was literally 'washed out' and she lost conciousness due to very low electrolytes, especially sodium. The annoying thing is the quack gets off scot-free. Too many 'therapists' are able to offer advice and 'alternative' treatments with very little in the way of scientific or medical training, it's time the government acted to impose central regulation. But they won't of course, at best it will be a voluntary code of practice... what a load of ****. (See below.)
Rise in oil and general commodity prices are starting to make fertiliser expensive. In the good old days farmers would have access to guano and its derivatives. Most of that was worked out years ago now and anyway the birds that made it haven't got as many fish to eat now and so don't make as much as they used to. So farmers here are turning to human crap, treated of course. Now there always has been a problem disposing of the sludge from sewage works, for example Manchester sends its sludge all the way into Liverpool bay to dump it. Thus sewage treatment people have been perfectly happy to give it away free. But now artificial fertiliser is so expensive Severn Trent water board in the UK are thinking of charging for treated effluent: they say demand has gone up 50%. From a green perspective that seems wrong; surely freeing our rivers of excess nitrates from artificial fertiliser is worth the price of keeping it free? Think about it next time go to the loo. Oh, and wash your hands, and fruit, and veg... and feet if you've been walking near an arable farm.
Mind You Don't put Your Finger in It, 2
Nether Mind The Whether - E.M.
Blowin In The Wind
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Any Chovy ?
Faster Than Light
The Price Of Crap
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Stars In Their Heads
Texas State University astronomers, (get that,) have decided that British history will have to be re-written. According to them Julius Caesar's Roman invasion in 55BC happened over the 22nd-23rd of August and not as all history books proclaim over the 26th and 27th. The reason, they claim, is that the tide would have been flowing the wrong way... eh? Where have these guys been all their lives, in the stars? As any fule kno, tidal currents change 4 time every day, twice with every whole tide. Now as someone who has experienced crossing the English Channel many times including in small open sailing boats several times, and other small slow craft, and been washed both east and west of predicted courses, I can say categorically that predicting how the tides will affect your crossing over a whole day period is not a matter of just looking up tide tables; it all depends on circumstances. In any case over a 2 day invasion there will have been at least 5 changes of flow direction, maybe 8 or even 9. I suspect Caesar was actually aiming at the White Cliffs as they could see that from the other side and were closest, expecting to land at Folkestone or Dover, but actually got washed east by the tide. If that is the case then all the theories go out of the window! Sorry Texas guys, your idea doesn't hold water, if you'll pardon the pun. Ed.
Thickett's Last Stand? - StO
True to recent form, US politicians and diplomats are refusing to join in any efforts to reduce CO2 emissions. Two separate incidents this week- first, plans to charge emissions tax per aeroplane rather than per passenger were attacked by the US ambassador in London. Why? It makes far more sense to tax the actual fuel burnt rather than let empty seats off the hook. Two, US plans to impose limits and tarrifs on high carbon emitters have been blocked by Republicans who are sponsored by the oil industry. Even if they did sneak through, President GW Thickett has promised to veto any legislation on it. Lawmakers are apparently now waiting until Barak Obama is president... fat chance.
The Japanese, it appears, have developed a very novel approach to fighting drugs. Instead of confiscating cannabis and fining users, they are actually giving it away, randomly. Now we've suspected for a long time that Far Eastern minds have a different logic than ours. Our only explanation is that maybe by giving it away, they hope the appeal of it will diminish. Either that or it was a mistake to stash cannabis in an unsuspecting airline passenger's bag to test sniffer dogs that couldn't smell it... then forget what bag it was in.
This week sees the Chelsea United Flower Final played out in front of thousands live and millions on TV. With Lampranthus expected to be fit and displaying midfield, Chelone's Russian owner Abromeitiella must be in the pinks. On the other lobe, Malvastrum United's manager, Ferocactus, will be hoping that Portugese star Rondeletia can keep up his gold performances in his usual fertile style. Whatever the final outcome, the result will soon be hyssopustry.
The Universe And Everything
The archbishop of Westminster, England's most senior Roman Catholic, is quoted today as saying atheists should be held 'in deep esteem' by Christians. It was apparently part of a piece on the de-godding of UK society. Does he mean that atheists are better than people who don't care? Or is he trying to stop the UK being more Muslim than Christian? We have noticed that God Slot writers in various UK newspapers, most of whom are Anglican Christian clergy, seem to know far more about Muslims than they do about atheists. Perhaps it is time atheism was taught as part of comparative religion, preferably by an atheist.
Never Ending Talk
Latest analysis of natural temperature cycles suggests that global warming will be cancelled out by natural cooling over the next few years. The authors of the report hoped it would give a breathing space for plans to combat general global warming to be put in place. Hum... more likely it will give ammunition to the anti-doing-anything brigade in the USA in particular. Don't watch this space: the likely hood is substantive measures to combat fossil fuel use will stall.
In spring 2007 Stew the Oil predicted in this column that biofuels would cause almost as many problems as they solve, (see Blogjob - 2007.) At last the EU commission has realised and decided not to implement its original intention to make all fuels 10% from renewable bio sources by 2020; no big surprise given the food riots seen in several countries recently. If half as much time and effort in research had been spent as the US oil lobby do protecting oil profits, we'd have had zero CO2 emission cars long ago.
Fer Legged Friend
Some field archers wondered if they'd been transported over the rainbow rather than over the Pennines to Yorkshire during a recent competition. They stopped and stared, boggle eyed at the strangest dog they'd ever seen being taken walkies. Closer examination of this large-tailed, mini dachshund on a lead revealed it to be a ferret ! Ey oop, muckybrass, nowt so queer as fowk.
A recent nightly news feature series on pollution involved clearing plastic bags, artificial fiibre fishing nets etc off an island paradise and mentioned, get this, an albatross that swallowed a cigarette lighter. Hmm, that would give it heartburn all right.
Asked what was going through his mind while delayed with a stuck wheel, what did Formula One championship leader Lewis Hamilton say? That he was frustrated at watching his rivals race away? No. He said 'I was thinking that I could do with a beer.'
1- Hold Gun, 2- Shoot Foot
We don't often comment directly on party politics, but here is one. National support amongst Democrat voters in USA (Gallup poll)- Clinton 49%, Obama 42%. Why then so intent on disallowing Clinton's delegates, eh Democrats?
Seven Add Three = ?
The new TEN deadly sins pronounced by his holiness in the Vatican now include drug trafficking, (OK,) pollution, (hmm, is farting really a deadly sin?), (Yes, Ed,) and stem cell research! Now that really is daft; the act of bannning the most promising avenue of research for the benefit of mankind is actually the sin in most peoples eyes. It proves just how far out of touch these people are with the real world. Christianity needs to keep up with the times to survive. Vatican city, hang your heads in shame.
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High as a Shark?
Recently beaches in the UK have seen unusual visitors, no not turtles again, sacks of Colombian cocaine worth millions of pounds have been washed up. Now what would have happened if some sea creature had tried eating it? Perhaps we should send these sacks to our friends in Australia, that might stop shark attacks all season long.
The antidote to Cambiguity's comments (below) came recently when Brown-Gordon announced plans to force migrants to learn English and Englishness. We'll see if it ever happens.
Archbishop of Cambiguity
Another senior priest puts his oar in politics! This time it's rather surprisingly the normally pragmatic Church of England boss Rowan Wlillams. 'Aspects of Sharia law should be incorporated in to UK law for Muslims because they don't relate to our law.' Come off it! Doing that would take us back to medieval times as well as making one law for X and another for Y. No, that's madness. Stick to doing God and shut up in public, please.
Pass It On
Why such a fuss in the media about genetics and obesity? Surely everyone knows that two fat parents are likely to have fat children, that's been the case ever since humanoids started breeding in 700099 BC. Ah, well, some American university has 'proved' that it isn't entirely MacDonalds fault. What an absolute waste of time!
An American military satellite, reputedly containing dangerous material, is due to crash to Earth during February 2008, it was admitted very recently (Jan '08). Where, is the obvious question. US authorities simply state they are watching it.
Given that this is a very large military satellite and apparently nuclear powered, means it is not in stable high orbit, gaining its power from photocells, but in a much faster and lower orbit as would be needed to spy on countries like Iran and North Korea. Now such orbits can fly over virtually the entire surface of the globe at some time.
Depending on who you believe, between 8 and well over 100 satellites have come down before, including the Mir space station, without killing anyone yet, but this one is not geostationary and not high, so it could come down more or less intact into a highly populated area, rather than the equator in extremely burnt out, small bits... watch your back!
(Editors note added later- knowledge of this became more widely known during February when the USA finally decided to do a 'star wars' on it.)
They've tried everything to avoid what is obvious to some; admit microwaves can make you ill. "There is no evidence," that's the usual ploy. Now there is evidence and they cannot deny it, because they financed it- the phone industry that is. Two separarate universities in separate continents were asked to do a thorough investigation of mobile phone microwaves and everything we've mentioned, (see microwaves.html on this webiste,) from headaches to poor concentration or confusion has been proven and even they've added sleep deprivation and loss of memory now. You can bet they'll try to bury this.
Many, many, many years ago the late Benny Hill did a very short visual gag on his comedy TV show where 'SOWCOW' was transformed into 'MOSCOW' by swivelling the first three letters of a label on a map through 180 degrees. No this bit isn't about the childish actions of Russian authorities tit-for-tatting antics over refusing to extradite an alleged murderer to Britain. Actually it might happen that in Britain geneticists could produce a 'SowCow,' because two univeristy medical departments have been granted leave to make cross species embryos for research purposes. At first it will be 99% human and 1% cow, the aim being to create new human-ish stem cells for reasearch into curing diseases like Altzheimers and Parkinsons, which cause misery to millions. Needless to say the God Squad are up in arms; 'messing with nature' etc. Look, humans have messed with nature as long as we existed: agriculture; selective livestock breeding; selective plant breeding; pesticides; medicines; you name it! You can hear it now from sensible people; a communal frustrated sigh at those sad, deluded fundamentalists.
Nu Year Hangover
As predicted two years ago by our columnist StO, and in our more recent satirical predictions column, (page bottom,) the hangover of indecision in the past has meant the inevitable has happened and the UK is to go ahead and replace a large number of old nuclear reactors. The fact was that nobody in the past had the balls to stand up to the anti-everything campaigners and now with a looming power shortage it is the only option to fill the gap. Remember the old joke? NuGets adapts it for the inevitable... 'They used to be indecisive... now I'm not so sure!'
Britain has an archaic and at times perverse system of law, being a combination of 'statute' and 'common' law. Statute means set by parliament after at least a token debate. Common law however is more to do with custom and/or some individual, and possibly quirky, judge's decision in court, maybe hundreds of years ago. One such law was recently invoked, but the case thrown out by a judge and so is likley to be repealed. That law? Blasphemy. This ancient law is, and patently has been for a long time, a complete anachronism. Why cannot I say in public that I think blindly religious zealots are bad? Theoretically if I say that of a Christian in England I can be put in prison!
introducing - The Evelyn Murray MEGALOMANIAC AWARDS 2007
Here they are guys; EM's hotheads of last year - got the hots so they can they can head my way anytime !
Just a loser- GWB (Only 4th?! Ed.)
3rd- Hugo Chavez. Boy, does he have an ego or what?
2nd- Kim Jong Il - a megalomaniac with zero influence, ha, ha.
AND... 1st is... President Ahmanejad of Iraq. Who does he think he's fooling, eh?
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2008 Predictions ... ? - © copyright Infinity Junction November 2007
December 2007- indecision by previous governments, too afraid of public backlash, now prove a mistake as there is not enough power left from aging and decrepit nuclear power stations to go round. New rules say that all strings of Christmas lighting can only be switched on on alternate days. Major air traffic diversions cause paralysis at airports on alternate nights as rules on outdoor strips of lights are enforced.
January 2008- with Christmas over, the government in England relaxes rules on runway lights. In mainland Europe however the Russians are up to their usual winter tricks of restricting gas supplies to push up prices and to persuade Euro-parliament to put pressure on President Thickett to abandon his anti Iranian missile sheild. It is only resolved when so few flights run that there is surplus fuel.
February- floods and incredibly freezing cold weather, caused by global warming, turn parts of England into an ice rink. With such a large flat, hard area, the government orders the building of a million new homes on it, mostly for immigrants and Hertfordshirodians.*
March- equinox gales flatten an entire wind farm sending the national grid into chaos. Oil prices reach a record high of 200$ a barrel as the hurricane season starts even earlier than the doom and gloom merchants had predicted. Brown-Gordon orders three new nuclear power stations on the quiet, to be disguised as failed asylum removal centres. He also orders Hertfordshire to be razed* so that biofuel crops can be grown. No-one outside Hertfordshire notices.
April- Professor Colin Longhair of Euro-Up-There, claims that Beagle 2, the lost Mars lander, has been spotted on the moon, fully functioning but beaming signals to Mars, not Earth. Meanwhile rising temperatures in the northern hemisphere on earth, melt a certain ice rink, leaving hundreds of Polish builders stranded.
May- UK government realizes that it yet again underestimated immigration as a local census in Norfolk finds half the population there only speaks Polish. Polish politicians, fed up at not being able to find a competent plumber, ask for their people back... please... pretty please.
June- apathy in local government elections reaches new heights when only Poles can be bothered to vote in numbers and Norfolk gains its first non-English speaking councillors.
July- Astronomers give up their detailed scrutiny of the moon when it's realised Prof Longhair's claim was an April fool joke. In fact Beagle 2 landed in Milton Keynes but people thought it was a rubbish bin; it was hidden under a mound of litter until razed on Brown-Gordon's orders.
August- Another dry summer and an early start to the hurricane season causing gales on this side of the Atlantic sees dust storms in southern England and muddy rain in Scotland as a consequence. Southern Europe by contrast has fewer forest fires than ever because most were burned down in 2007.
September- schools start a new year but it is discovered half the children in Norfolk only speak Polish. The government starts a new teacher recruitment drive. Polish politicians start to get really peeved and threaten to come over here too.
October- Osama bin Laden narrowly escapes arrest in Poland where he is seeking to recruit trained Chechen rebel terrorists who have been attracted to Poland by abundant job vacancies. A new brand of British biofuel goes on sale as a trial, it called Herf after its place of origin.
November- new prime minister RaÞstychyk Kytykchkznç makes his first front bench speech... in Polish. The Speaker of the house, Bzrtdchyg Brnmchzk, reprimands him and asks him in English and Polish to speak Polish in English. He later introduces a law allowing all East Europeans into Britain, backed by his Polish majority in parliament.
December- a snap election is called when new prime minister Romaniu Bucharesti is accused of bribery, intimidation and corruption. London police however, only fluent in English and Polish, can't interview him until 2009.
That's all so far
The main website can also be reached at Infinity-Junction.com
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2008 Predictions ... ? - © copyright Infinity Junction November 2007